Peninsula Facts, Info, Pointers & Stopping Spots
Called “the tip of the dangle, the head of the pin, & the pen at the end of the fingers” the Mishugunah Peninsula has been known by many names, depending on language, knower, namer, caller, time of day, specific location &/or particular map or eye-chart being looked at. At one time it was even briefly called the Miss Nomer Peninsula, after Irma Nomer, better known by her married name, Mrs. Franny Dangling, later Granny Franny & Granny Dangle, dowager spirit of the Dangle, Dangling, Irregular, Insular, Inverse &/or Perverse Peninsula.
When Juan Donne wrote, “No man is an island,” he was presumably not thinking of such a peninsula. When his cousin Juanita wrote, “No woman is a peninsula, attached only to herself,” she was presumably not thinking about Granny Dangling, or she might have reconsidered. As it was, her lines about having a “deep-water harbor with a warm welcome to thirsty seamen” are sometimes deleted from tourist publications & school-books.
According to geological period, seasonal cycles, stage of the tides, time of day, phase of the moon, weather, & position of the particular breaking wave along any specific stretch of the irregular shore, the exact boundaries of the peninsula have varied considerably over time & space, & continue to vary–where land meets water, where water meets land, where water meets air, where air full of water meets land full of frogs, where the grunion hop, skip, jump & run…, where an occasional freak surge rises high above the last wave top reconfigure the beach-blankets, picnic baskets & grassy dunes.
Or a piece of coast falls off, a cliff gives way, a cantilevered deck drops with it shouse of cards into the famous boomerang current, to land on other Peninsula shores decades later, coming from surprising directions. Thus, the early explorer Hugo von Dare supposedly wrote, with an unsteady hand, on stepping ashore, “The land moves, we move, bowels move. Nothing stays still here. Even the beach moves. Let’s go.”
It turned out he’d landed on Sand Crab Beach, and it was indeed in motion, climbing up the inside of his pants, and traveling with him for a long while after, proving just how hard it was to make a precise map of where places are, compared to where they were when you first saw them. Such experiences, repeated many times by many people in different places & times, eventually led Sir Isaac Potatoes to formulate his Dislocation Hypothesis, sometimes called his “Theory of Everything’s Everywhere,” for which his membership in the Royal Scholars Hall of Knowledge Club was indefinitely suspended.
Sand Crab Beach National Recreation & Historic Site commemorates von Dare’s landing with a nightly “free crab banquet,” when invited campers (& resident sand crabs) discover who’s for dinner. “Eat what you love, love what you eat.” [If you’d rather have dinner with the sharks, that can be arranged–at the Pool Shark Bar & Grill, with specialties like “Bar-B Q-balls in the Side Pocket,” “Catch Your Own Carp,” & “Cut Your Own Crap.” But watch out for the “Sharktooth Soup,” as it’s been known to bite back.]
Wherever you go, and whatever you call it, the Mishugunah Peninsula is sure to amaze & astound, with many specially designated National Recreation Areas catering to first & last time tourists, including aliens from other worlds like you. (Stay long enough for most of your organic molecules to cycle through & you’ll be as native as anyone else.)
From the wet & slimy tip of Far Tongue Spit to the wind-stripped top of Tippy Stone Peak in the remote Trippy Dippy Range, up to Seaweed Strait & Mucky Marsh Mosquito Breedery disconnecting the Peninsula from any larger land mass, and back to the high Voids (Middle, Upper & Lower) where the Big Crack of the Bottomless Gorge widens to accommodate many unforgettable scenic vistas & glass-bottomed overlooks.
The historically & culturally minded will find more to marvel at than they ever expected, from Fort Arroyo in the south to Fort Fakakta in the north; from pre-history in the east to post-history in the west; Periphery Center guess where to the Ragged Coast along the wild fringe; natural history outside & unnatural inside–including inns, churches, temples, museums, galleries, performance spaces, theaters, stadia, planetaria, aquaria, libraria, etc.
The Peninsula is proud to call itself “home of the cheapest free press in the world,” with “more publications than you can shake your stick at,” from 24/7 Real Time Video Feed News (“exactly what’s happening locally right where you are”) & The M T Mirror-Times-Mirror to Literary Splinters Daily, The Port Hole Sun Telegraph, The Half-Court Guardian, & KNUMb Mime Radio. It is prouder still of its: peacocks, parks, pastries, pies, pasta, pepperoni, parades, pagan rites, pageants, panthers, panicles, pan-pipes, parallax, peas, palaver & people–past, present, & yet to be made up.
It is more proud still of its humility, composed of more or less equal parts of humidity, hominy, & humanity, “the humble species” (Homo humulus is generally considered a half-step more evolved than its arrogantly self-named cousin Homo sapiens, with which it could presumably still breed if it wanted to. If it wanted to, it would not be considered a half-step more evolved, however.)
You, too, may have heard that anonymous neo-neuro-scientists recently concluded, “If our brains were simple enough for us to understand, we wouldn’t be smart enough to.” It took a Bod Librarian to point out, “Since we don’t seem to be smart enough to understand, maybe our brains are simpler than previously thought.”
Coincidentally, the Mishugunah Peninsula is said to resemble the inside of a Bod Librarian’s brain, its Amygdala Cafe’ with Limbo Bar Limbic System inside an ivy-covered corner of the Hippo Campus Quad meeting a word-wide nerve-rich information network. Part of MU: Matchless University, the Hippo Campus houses all Hip College Hip Studies programs & the Hip-Hip-Hooray Business School (“a leader in school spirit, seminary & moonshine still research”).
No wonder the Peninsula loves its schools, colleges, universities, correspondence diploma mills, institutes, foundations, basement laboratories, & garage enterprises, as well as the stores, shops, merchants, treadmill makers, shakers & half-bakers who keep the economy going well enough to support on-going activities.
Assuming our activities continue, then, you can look forward to “More On the Mishugunah Peninsula” shortly or ASAP, whichever comes first.